Wednesday, September 17, 2008

So much to do, so little time

Opps... I didn't know I had comments disabled for non-bloggers. But it's enabled now, so comment if you wish.

There are just not enough hours in a day, and not enough energy in my body to accomplish all the tasks that need to be done in a day. I honestly mean it when I say that I'm barely getting by. Some days are better than others, but I am no longer able to rely on this body, as it is not my own. I find it absolutely incredible and facinating that I now have limits. Oh how I have not appreciated my strength when I had it. How I lazed fancifully watching brain numbing television when I could have built a fence, a garden a house. I had so much time to accomplish my dreams and set myself up for life, and instead, I slept and ate and played, and here I am 25 weeks pregnant, with less than 3.5 months until my due date and what do I have to show for it?

Abso-fucking-lutely nothing.

I am a disorganized mess.

But the funny and most ironic thing of all - is that I don't feel overwhelmed. I haven't kicked my ass yet. I've been taking it day by day, doing the most important things like... taking care of my kid, eating and sleeping and blissfully living in a happy bubble of content, while the world collapses all around me and I think...

I am happier now, than I have ever been in my life.

And isn't that just the most fucked up crazy shit ever. Seriously.


Robin McCoy said...

AHAK! Here I have been, missing you to death. Wondering how you were Ava was everyone in your family was, and you were over here and not on Xanga! :D I'm so glad that I found you (well, that you led me to where you are blogging now. :D)

Anonymous said...

Ava is so adorable! What names have you picked for the 2nd one?
~Xanga Fan (Kimberly aka kimpossible)